So I've been spouting words of loving others above yourself or even as much as you love yourself for the past few weeks. Well, spouting is a very negative word, I am truly trying to put others needs above my own and see them as important as I see myself.

Morning Talk with God 3 weeks ago

Morning Talk with God yesterday
And for the longest time, I have been really selfish about my money. Sure I set aside 10% for God and will treat a friend to lunch or snack every now and then but generally I'm still trying to get rid of the "I-worked-for-this-money-I-should-be-the-only-one-to-benefit-from-it" syndrome.

Just a few minutes ago, my brother who barely goes online sent me a private message asking for financial help. And to be entirely honest, I am 1200++ AED short of my emergency fund (as obviously, I'm still trying to build it), and it was so hard for me to say yes to him, to hold out a helping hand. 

What I'm trying to say is that, it makes me sad that I'm so attached to money (in my head, I just called that"MY" money), and that at the first test of loving others above yourself, I had doubts, if not reservations, to help; to actually reach out to live out what I have been trying to learn for the past few weeks. It makes me sad that I had reservations, that even after I said I would send him the money, it made me want to tear up knowing that it would cause a relative dent into the emergency fund that I am trying to build. 

The upside was that, I was able to share some encouraging words to him. And yes, I still have this urge inside me to cry but I am grateful that I know that part of it is because God is changing me, and I am learning, albeit slowly, to love like I mean it.