the test

we were standing in his bathroom, waiting for the test that would decide our future.

he was sitting on the toilet, elbows on knees, hands clasped together and head bent. i was leaning by the bathroom sink alternately looking at him and at the test.

he looks up at no one and says, “matagal pa ba?”

i looked at my watch, time seems to move especially slow, “three more minutes,” i told him. “the test says five minutes.”

he looks up again, this time at me. “dont do that,” he says out of the blue.

“do what?” i asked. i was unconsciously drumming my fingers on the bathroom sink.

“that,” he says, pointing out to my fingers. i crossed my arms instead, as anxious as he is.

he cant take the waiting. he stands up, paces across his little bathroom floor twice, stops and heads out the door. i watch him close the door on me. i looked at my watch, my vision clouded by the tears in my eyes.

he comes back inside, takes my hand and says, “marry me.” i look at him stunned, “marry me,” he says, “whatever that test says, marry me. i want to do right by you. marry me.” he kept repeating the words “marry me” as if he wanted to convince himself more than he wanted to convinced me.

i cupped his face in my hands and kissed him with my eyes closed. i smile as our lips parted, when i opened my eyes, his eyes were still closed. and as gently as i could i said, “no.” surprised, he opened his eyes, releases himself from me and started to pace the room again.

“why?”

“because..”

he stopped and looked at me, “because what?”

i shook my head, “why do you want to marry me?”

“because we might have a baby together and i want to do right by you, i told you already.”

“what if the test turns out negative, what then?” i looked at him and he didnt answer. “do you love me?”

“i want to do right by you,” he says again.

i smiled, “you said that already.” i waited for him to look at me again and i said, “i know you have plans and things to do, i dont want to keep you from that, just because we may be having a baby together. im not about to keep you from your dreams. besides, i dont want to be one of those women who gets married because they’re pregnant. marriage is sacred, shared between two people who love each other, which unfortunately is not us. i care for you a lot and i know you care for me too but we both know that what we feel is not love, at least not yet. i dont want to get married for the wrong reasons.”

“but what if we are pregnant, what then?” i can see so much confusion in his eyes and i badly want to tell him what to do but i dont know what that is so i hugged him instead.

“its time,” i told him.

he went and picked up the test, he looked at it and asked, “one line means what?”

“negative.”

“and two?”

“means we’re pregnant.”

he hands me the kit and i looked at it. i looked up at him and he is crying, i started to cry too. and as our tears we’re falling, we held on to each other.

we stood there in his bathroom holding on to each other, the test still in my hands, the tears still falling from our eyes.

we held on to each other, crying in his bathroom.


****
a cross post from my wordpress blog. to my friend who's in almost the same situation, we're wight beside you every step of the way..

Comments

cyndirellaz said…
it's wonderful to have a son lalo na kung mahal mo yung taong kasama mo habang ginawa mo yun, but it should not be the reason why people have to get married. The right reason should be love!
Axel said…
Kala ko ikaw toh eh... lolz

In fairness ah, ang ganda nung sinabi nung gurl dun sa guy...
ayzprincess said…
@cyndi, tama ka dyan.. that's why i wrote this then.. baket mo nga pala naisip na son?? baket di daughter o child lang?? :D

@axel, asa pa akong ako yan.. hanapin ko muna jejewain ko. lol..

mamat :D
ZeroGravity said…
i agree with cyndi. :D

akala ko rin ikaw yan, magsasabi na sana ako ng wuhooo!

Reminds me of the words I gave to my still single batchmates when we had a class reunion in 2005. I told them to flirt, look for guys. Then practice safe sex. If they get pregnant, marriage isn't the solution. Was I bad?

NIce to be reading you again ayz! :D
ayzprincess said…
tito jun,

salamat!! :D sa pagwelcome sakeng muli.

asa pa akong ako nga to.. yung flirt alot, medyo nagagawa ko.. pero yung practice safe sex, di ata.. scratch that, yung sex, di ko nagagawa. ahahah

i dont think you're not bad for suggesting what you suggested. i never once thought that marriage was the solution when two people get pregnant. dont get me wrong, i love the idea of being married and having children within the marriage but i dont see anything wrong with staying single even if you are pregnant. :D

yuck! ang haba ng reply! thanks ulet tito
ang dami mong alam....

wahahaha...

maganda.hmmmmm. . .ΓΌ
ayzprincess said…
koo koo chan,

marami talaga akong alam.. mas marami pa akong alam dyan.. kaya lang pg ata.. baka magulat ang mga tao sa mga pinagsusulat ko.. buti di mo nabackread wordpress blog ko :evil laugh: ahahah :D
Axel said…
Kailangan bang jowa mo yung guy???
ayzprincess said…
di naman kelangan jewa, pero syempre mas masaya naman kung at least may feelings ka para sa tao at marereciprocate kahit papano.. o at least you care for each other.. ganun,,
Axel said…
huwaw!! lalim nun ah... may pinaghuhugutan... hehehe
ayzprincess said…
malalim na pala yun. lol

ahahah