Unsure

So I just finished watching this week's episode of switched at birth. This week, the episode picks up from last week when we are left with emmet and simone in bed.

Here lies the dilemma, emmet is bay's boyfriend, bay is Toby's sister (there's a real long back story about this buy since I'm not really talking about the series, I'll leave this at that) Toby is simone's boyfriend. While shooting for a film for emmet's birthday, simone is called in to help with the equipment as she is the expert on these things. Things begin to get tense when emmet starts feeling guilty about the whole situation and starts to wonder if e should tell bay.

In his confusion, he tears himself away from the crowd and is found by his mother. He confesses, confused and obviously apologetic about the whole situation. And this is where the whole point of this blog is, his mother then starts dishing out advises and one of her advise was like this,"you just have I live with what you've done. The question is, should bay have to live with it too?"

And that got me wondering, it's true that in relationship one who committed the mistake would have to "live with what they've done," but is it necessarily true that the other person have to live with it too?

For the one who was wrong and made a mistake, this argument is perfect and makes a lot of sense. Why put the other person in misery? Or subject them through pain when they could go on and continue living their lives?

But then again, being that I have been to the other end of the spectrum, I would sure love to know. I don't know why, I am fully aware that the reality of it might kill me, but don't I have the right to know? Isn't it my right to know?

I just feel weird about it I guess, to be able to be on both ends (at different points in time) and still be confused is a feat. Oh well, better sleep this thin off :p

The Gospel Project

One of the breakthroughs in my spiritual life, came in the form of watching a Spoken Word video by Jefferson Bethke.

"But now that I know Jesus, I boast of my weakness"

The reality of my salvation as being as definite as it is when Jesus died on the cross and the boldness and pride for my weaknesses because of Jesus Christ, hit right home. I never really understood the Christian principles I hold so dear than when I heard him say it with so much compassion and grace.

Naturally, being the stalker fan that I am, I followed (still follows) Jeff through his online activity. I followed him through his facebook and twitter account, and last night he tweeted this:

On my way to #gospelproject - @MattChandler74, @jdgreear, @edstetzer, &@TrevinWax. Tomorrow at 2! Watch online bit.ly/xyZ1Tu

And so I got curious and followed the link, which led me to The Gospel Project's website. I was definitely interested but couldnt find anywhere in the website where it explained what the Gospel Project is, (I normally look for About Us page or FAQ, but couldnt find any). The closest thing I got to answer though is this video:

Matt Chandler - David, Goliath & The Gospel

And listening to Matt Chandler speak, I realised that I have been viewing the Bible incorrectly at some points too. Only when he explained it did I fully understand what it meant for one to put Jesus in the center of your life, to let Jesus be the focal point of the story. It was only then that I really, truthfully understood it.

So I am excited! I signed up for the initial, free first month study guide. I have yet to go over it, but would like everyone to know that the Gospel Project is out there and if you are as curious or interested, or if you need to deepen your knowledge of Christ, I think the Gospel Project is a good way to start!

I'm so very excited! Truly I am! I will blog more about it when I have gone through the study guide!

PS. If you are in Dubai or know someone in Dubai who would like to go over these study guides with me, just let me know :) It would be lovely to learn more about Jesus with someone :)

Random

I have this love-hate relationship with my curly hair.

When I was younger, my hair was very indecisive. Meaning so that I'm not really sure if it wanted to be straight or wavy. There were days that it had its own mind and yet still other days when it was limp and straight like a pony tail. So seeing that this society dictated that long straight hair is beautiful, not mention easier to maintain, it was no surprise that I preferred the long straight hair over the wavy one, so much so that I went to different "length" to keep it straight.

Recently though, the curly hairstyle has swept the fashion scene, and curly was in and cool. So I started loving my wavy hair because I wouldn't need too much effort curling it.

Late last year, I decided to get a hair cut. Not anticipating the length that would be cut off, I still thought I could curl my hair, unfortunately though, that wasn't the case. My hair was so short the waviness and/or curly-ness doesn't suit it. I had to settle back to straightening my hair so it would look at least decent enough.

Just when I was comfortable with the straightening I do, I began noticing something every time my hair dries after washing it. Now it's not wavy anymore, it's actually curly!

My point?! Nothing really, just that my hair is back to being indecisive again. Haha

memories and questions

my story begins with, "it all started with a memory.." funny thing is, before i can even get to the next clause of the sentence, i had to stop and realise that memories are a funny thing. that even as convinced as you are with what you think may have happened, you may actually be false.

i had to stop because for once in my life, i was unsure if i could trust my memory. i was hurt, i was young, i was confused. could i have really remembered things the way they are? or is it possible that with all the emotional junk i was feeling back then, i started creating a memory that didnt exist.

and now im doubtful if i could trust my memories. im adamant to answer people's question or to obliged them when they ask for stories or have me recall the past.

have you ever doubted your memories? or are you always sure that what you remember are facts?how can you tell? how will you know?

Things I want but can't afford at the moment

* White and purple lacoste shoes worth AED 340
* Paul smith look-a-like overnight bag from paperchase - AED 189
* black skull laptop sleeve for norrin radd - AED 119
* matching black skull bagpack - AED 159 (I think, I don't remember the exact price)
* matching black skull iPhone case - AED 99
* aravind adiga's new book, last man in tower - AED 80
* forever21 flowery dress - AED 99
* nude la senza underwear - AED 89
* moleskin ruled notebook - AED 63
* surfing lessons - AED 200/per session
* diving lessons - AED 1890 for four dives and certification
* pull and bear shirt - AED 99
* laptop skin for norrin radd - AED 59
* Paul Mitchell hair serum - AED 89


I can't think of any more at the moment but I sure want/ need lotsa things! 

Back from the dead

So I haven't been posting in the past few days. Well mostly because I can't think of anything to write about.

I was going to write about how surfing is like life but then I actually didn't get to surf at all, so my discussion would be invalid; because how can one try to parallel two things when one hasn't experience the other thing.

Anyway, I digress. So what would it take for me to write. Truth is, my writing process is a little weird. It normally starts with a picture. Like a still image. Like a photograph. In example, this story started from an image of two lovers under a tree. Thats literally how that story began; from that particular image, I thought of what could be a story from it.

Then from that single image, an ending; which is normally the easiest part because Im really not a sucker for happy ending, so it's a no brainer, it's never happy; the very least it's open ended.

When I have an ending, I think of a turning point (the premise and/or climax of the whole thing in a form of conversation), which usually encompasses the whole story. For the "lab story" , it was when Ynah said that "i dont get it." From that particular phrase, the story (at least to me) started unfolding.

When I have all of that, I then think of a conflict. Conflict has always been the hardest for me to write. What would the problem be that led to this particular picture or the ending for that matter. for this particular story i knew that they werent going to end up together but i had to think of why. i couldnt use the best friend angle because i used that once before already (post was deleted). i also couldnt use the f*ck buddy angle because that was my premise for the test. so it took a while to think of the body of the story but i did get it through after a few hours of thinking. which is the other problem for me. a lot of my stories gets unpublished (at least in my blog) mostly because i cant find the conflict i need to make the story interesting but apart of that, i dont nurture images or conversations that refuse to birth a conflict, and unfortunately, i forget if i cant think of a conflict.

so anyway, the whole point of this particular entry is that, i do have another image in mind. the heart of the conversation or what could start the conflict but i still dont have the actual conflict. ive been brewing it since this afternoon and its 8 past in the evening and i still cant think of anything, hopefully i think of a good conflict so this blog could have some life. lol :)

any suggestions??

why i love aj rafael

two nights ago, i was lying in bed and was really tired. i wanted to go to sleep but i couldnt. ive developed this habit of listening to anything to get to sleep. ive gotten bored of listening to maroon 5's album because it was the same day that the album was continually on loop thrice. (i know, i need more music in my phone)

so anyway, i was lying in bed and i thought that i should really start working on a new story or at least write a script for my past stories. but ive always been hitting a wall every time i try to write a script as ive always wanted to find the perfect song for every storyline. and then i thought, what better way to start the writing process than to look for a song that would fit any of my stories and my what could be's.

i am a big fan of wong fu productions and i know they belong to a large youtube community of artist. so i decided to start looking from their page. i like david choi but i didnt find any of his music that would suit my stories or any would be's.

and then..

i found him..

and i fell in love

so why do i love him?

a) he's a musician (i have a thing for musicians)
b) he plays the piano (im a frustrated pianist)
c) he's younger than me (i have a thing for younger men)
d) he has an amazing voice (click the video to listen)
e) he's filipino (born and raised in america but filipino nonetheless)
f) he's a firstborn (it seems i have a thing for firstborns too. lol)
g) i just love him. i think that pretty much sums it up. lol

so yeah, i havent been a fangirl since i was with itchyworm's chino.. looks like i have a new obsession. lol