Wednesday, May 27, 2015


So I've been spouting words of loving others above yourself or even as much as you love yourself for the past few weeks. Well, spouting is a very negative word, I am truly trying to put others needs above my own and see them as important as I see myself.

Morning Talk with God 3 weeks ago

Morning Talk with God yesterday
And for the longest time, I have been really selfish about my money. Sure I set aside 10% for God and will treat a friend to lunch or snack every now and then but generally I'm still trying to get rid of the "I-worked-for-this-money-I-should-be-the-only-one-to-benefit-from-it" syndrome.

Just a few minutes ago, my brother who barely goes online sent me a private message asking for financial help. And to be entirely honest, I am 1200++ AED short of my emergency fund (as obviously, I'm still trying to build it), and it was so hard for me to say yes to him, to hold out a helping hand. 

What I'm trying to say is that, it makes me sad that I'm so attached to money (in my head, I just called that"MY" money), and that at the first test of loving others above yourself, I had doubts, if not reservations, to help; to actually reach out to live out what I have been trying to learn for the past few weeks. It makes me sad that I had reservations, that even after I said I would send him the money, it made me want to tear up knowing that it would cause a relative dent into the emergency fund that I am trying to build. 

The upside was that, I was able to share some encouraging words to him. And yes, I still have this urge inside me to cry but I am grateful that I know that part of it is because God is changing me, and I am learning, albeit slowly, to love like I mean it.

Monday, September 22, 2014

You're funny

You dont want anything to do with me, yet you do tiny little things that you know will attract my attention. You intentionally do things that you know I have no choice but to notice. And no, don't try to deny it, I know you too well to know your underlying motives. And even if I was mistaken, did you really have to do what you did?

It's hilarious. Utterly ironic. Downright ridiculous. No, I'm not mad, if anything, I'm amused. Didn't think I still hold that much power in you, so much so that you just had to make your presence known to me. And yes I guess in a way you do have kind of a hold on me, if nothing else but to entertain me.

I mean really? Haven't we grown up yet and lead/is leading lives of our own and learn to conduct ourselves in a civil, if not mature, manner?

If this was a few years earlier, I would've indulged you. I may evan have decided to do something that I cannot even consider now. May. Operative words: may and earlier.

But tonight, I will indulge you. Two can play your game. And if anything, these past few years have told me, I have gotten quite good at flirting when I want to. :p

Sunday, August 31, 2014


You know how some things hurt your heart? The feeling that your heart is triple it's size and just wanting to burst, and it hurts? 

This night is one of those nights. You beg and plead for it to just explode so that somehow it ends. You turn in bed, sleep deprived, tears threatening.. You don't know what's wrong (or what's right, for that matter), all you know is that your heart hurts. That things are not well, that your chest feels like it won't be able to hold your heart in, not anymore..

And you want to cry; but you don't.. Because it feels stupid, yet it makes sense. You wonder if when the grinch grew his heart three times as large if he felt this way. You wonder if things will ever be okay. 

Maybe it's meg ryan and Tom hanks in you've got mail, or maybe it's felicity jones' poem from like crazy. It may even be that humans of New York on your Facebook newsfeed. Whatever it is, you know that this night is going to be the long night; and no amount of Ed Sheeran songs or "happy thoughts" would make it  go any faster.

But you're hopeful; and you're expectant, that tomorrow morning when you wake up the sun might not shine any brighter nor the bird song sound any sweeter but your heart will be better - you will feel a little better. 

Friday, August 15, 2014


Lately I have been having difficulty with my weight. I know that the number on the scale is nothing but numbers, but one has to understand where I'm coming from. From a skinny 89lbs 19 year old, I am now 40lbs heavier in just 12 years.

this is me at 20, about 90lbs

at 23, about 110lbs
Last May with my friend Marlon, I was about 57kg

Last week with my friend Jacu at about 63kgs

So today I wasn't really planning on losing weight, I've always said that weight is just a number. But like what I've said, lately my weight is becoming a burden. The fats above my stomach, under my boobs, are causing me pain when I sit up. I would always have to have my back straight or else the fats folds and it hurts me. In Baguio, I couldn't even walk a few meters and not grasp for air. Running/walking/jogging today was torture, if not for the neighborhood kids who kept begging me to run one more loop so I can run by their grandma's house and lift them for a few seconds.

I don't really intend to lose so much weight, I just want to be able to sit up and not have to straighten my back or have my fats folding and hurt. I want to stay below 60kgs if I could. I want to be able to run and not have my lungs cry "bloody murder."

So no more cold water, no more unscheduled sweets, no more zagu (cry internally), no more jolly spaghetti, no more two cups of rice.

This is going to be so hard as I am not really a diet person, but I know that the following mentioned will help bring down my weight to something that is appropriate for my age and body type; and then eventually when I am able to run/jog without having to curse the world for existing, then I can come back to eating what I want and when I want. So wish me luck, and A LOT OF MOTIVATION because seriously that's what I need most.
Started tonight with 2.56mi, not bad. not bad at all. 

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Who are you?

I was looking for a place to write the guest list for my upcoming birthday dinner, and I found an old notepad that I used to plan my Thailand trip in 2012.

Whilst looking for a blank page, I chanced upon an old poem I wrote in May 2012. 

I didn't know I was capable of regret. 
I wasn't with him, so why would I with you? 

But I think of you and what could have been;
I know the kids wouldn't be good looking
  but you would love me and I would love you 
How can we ever get it wrong? 
I remember how you made me laugh.And how things were so easy with you;
  even when they're not.

I remember how you made me feel loved and well taken care of,
I miss that you know, 
I miss you.

I couldn't for the life for me remember ever writing it, or who I was writing it for. Or why I was writing about it in the first place. And there is no doubt that I wrote t because it is in my handwriting.

That is my handwriting

It made me more curious because I have been listening to Callie Moore's song "Just a Song" 

Oh well papel! Some days my memories fail me. 

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Body Shop Crazy

IG photo
I posted the photo above about two days ago, showing off 3 of my most favourite products from The Body Shop's (crazy) Buy 1 Get 1 Anniversary Sale haul  from last week.

Initial Haul
I'm pretty stingy when it comes to buying stuff for myself, so personally, I think The Body Shop is on the pricier end of the spectrum. We (I was with my best friend) went in the store just to look around. I have recently ran out of loose powder and I thought that if it was included in the sale, I should get one. (I don't use compact as it causes my skin to break out, I have found that The Body Shop's Loose Powder is the only thing that works for me and gives me a nice, every day look coverage)

The Body Shop's Loose Powder in 02

Imagine our surprise (and utter glee) when we realized that it was their anniversary sale, we spent a good 45 minutes trying to decide which products to get.

Satsuma Body Mist

Last year, my cousin gave me a Satsuma Eau De Toilette and I fell in love with it. I love fruity, zesty fragrances as opposed sweet smells. Since the 30ml eau de toilette is twice as much as a 100ml body mist, I opted to get the body spray instead (which I later on regretted as I realised that it would not fit my tiny purse).

Elderflower Cooling Eye Gel

I would swear by Garnier's Eye Roll-On as it is something that I regularly use. The one I have is in beige which I use as a base to lighten up my dark circles before I wear any make up. This baby, however, is a miracle! The cooling eye gel is ice cream to my eyes. It's something that I put on to relax my eye area, any time of the day. It's cooling effect is amazing and relaxing, and uhhh! I do not have enough words for it! I even use it as a base for the Garnier's Eye Roll-On. It's unperfumed (the one I got is) so it does not irritate my eye and is safe enough to any time I want.

Camomille Sumptuous Cleansing Butter
Truthfully, I was a bit skeptical about getting this product. I swear by BioDerma and have not seen any make remover of sorts that will equal in terms of effectiveness and gentleness. This, however, may just make BioDerma a run for their money. It's butter that's not sticky or greasy that you massage on to your  dry face and wash off with warm water or a damp cloth, and it completely removes make up. It's even safe enough that I use it to remove any eye make up, even my waterproof mascara. I especially like using it on my eye area as I will be able to control the pressure of my fingers (we all know the eye area is way sensitive), whilst I'm trying to remove my mascara. I particularly like wearing make up now, just so I can use this at the end of the day to remove make up. Haha (Full disclosure: I still use BioDerma after I use the cleansing butter, often on my neck and just to make sure I pick up all the left over butter on my face.)

Seaweed Mattifying Day Cream

About 3 months ago, I ran out of moisturizer (I normally use Olay's Daily Fair Cream, I forgot the name), and I couldn't bring myself to spend money to get a new one. I would normally just slather Nuetrogena's Ultra Sheer Dry Touch Sunblock (SPF 55) on my face both as a sunscreen and a make up base. The Seaweed mattifying cream got me curious though. Yes, its 4x as expensive as Olay but it was on sale and I thought I should give it a try. And boy! Am I glad I did! The product is so rich that I only need a little less than a pea size to cover my entire face and neck. It feels great on my face and controls the oil.

A few days after though, as I lugged my full size Seaweed Mattifying Cream and the Camomille Cleansing Butter to a weekend a few cities away, I realised how much of a hassle bringing them along, so I decided to stop by The Body Shop again and purchased a travel size Seaweed line.

The Body Shop Travel Essential Seaweed Line: Light Blue Travel Pouch, Seaweed Deep Cleansing Facial Wash, Seaweed Clarifying Toner, Seaweed Clarifying Night Treatment, and Seaweed Mattifying Day Cream 

I have tried both the Toner and the Night Cream and I must say, they are an absolute delight. My face is loving it!

And remember how I said I regretted not getting a the Satsuma Eau de Toilette. I also got two of those!

Satsuma Eau De Toilette
Having fallen in love with the Seaweed line, part of me wanted to do purchase more of the stuff online since the US site has an ongoing 40% sitewide sale! Oh if only I could have someone bring me those goodies!

Thursday, May 8, 2014


I just realised that I am no good confronting conflicts that involve the people I love. I mean, don't get me wrong, I will kick, scream, and fight my way out of my own conflict (at least in theory, I haven't had the chance to actually be in an actual conflict that would need me to be physical) but if it's conflict that a family member or a dear friend is in, it makes me anxious. I start getting logical and want to verbally argue with the "dear person" to just let it go or find other ways to resolve conflict that would not include any volatile confrontation.

I think this may be the reason I would want to fly back to UAE because there I can be oblivious of these "conflicts" that plague me; conflicts that I feel helpless resolving.